Saturday, November 22, 2008

On Arsenic and Spoons

I was thinking just now, about the role of royal food-tasters. You know, waaaay back when royalty had people at the table to taste their food, and if they didn't die it wasn't poisoned? (I wonder how many roasts grew cold while they waited around...) 

Well, I was just thinking, wouldn't it be easier if the saboteur in question simply dipped the King's cutlery in the poison of choice? I mean, granted you didn't choose a chemical that would turn the silver green, or set the table smoking, wouldn't this mode of assassinry be ideal? You could set the table hours in advance, with most life-threatening chemicals, and they would still be active when the Royalty unsuspectingly set spoon to soup. After all, it's not like the food-tasting servant would have the audacity to use His Majesty's silverware. Wouldn't that be infringement upon the royal lips or something? In a day where a kiss from the King upon your baby's forehead was forever a blessing, I think licking the royal salad fork would be considered quite the offense. Off with his head! 

It's rather perfect, really. I wonder if it was ever tried? 

Thursday, November 20, 2008

In Which I Puzzle Through the Tenets of Great Literature

Back when I was still in high school, an art history teacher addressed the question: "What makes this art?" Apparently, Jackson Pollock and his groupies have made such a large mark, that the art community seems to feel it is necessary to further define 'art' so that it still remains far from the grasp of the common man. After all, quite literally anyone can make a pollock-esque painting (I mean, splattering paint on a canvas? Really?), but they wouldn't want you to think so. 

Anyhow, I was thinking yesterday about what makes a book good-- or, a work of art, so to speak. Naturally, this is a rather broad question, since a good book teaching mathematics would naturally achieve excellence with quite different tenets then, say, a rather spectacular coloring book. So, let me rephrase: what qualities do great works of fiction share? 

In attempt to answer this, I first made a quick mental list of all the works of fiction that I have personally read, and consider to be great (that I could think of):

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky
The History of Love by Nicole Kraus
A Small Rain by Madeleine L'Engle
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
A Farewell to Arms by Hemmingway
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolfe
The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde
Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
The Lover by Marguerite Duras
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
Cassandra by Crista Wolf
Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde by Robert Lewis Stevenson
Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
The Remains of the Day by Ishiguro

...and many, many others. So, what did these all have in common?

They moved me. Each and every one of these books, when I turned the last page, left a very particular feeling behind within me. I felt a different, better, and wiser person than I was when I started them. And they inspired me (much as I hate the word 'inspired' it's so tacky), they are all so very beautiful that they made me want to create something of beauty as well. 

The idea of beauty is what brought me to their next quality. Each of these books was beautiful. And not only that, but they all discussed beauty. It was as if, in each book's fundamental quest to find and describe some sort of truth of the human experience, each had managed to trap a bit of true beauty, like a firefly in a jar, and hold it up for it's audience's amazement. 

In "The Picture of Dorian Gray," Lord Henry, one of Wilde's pet characters, makes many observations on the nature of art and beauty, and many of these observations are handily noted in the book's preface. Here are a few of my favorites:

"The artist is the creator of beautiful things.

To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.

Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.

Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are cultivated. For these there is hope.

They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only beauty.

There is no such thing as a moral or immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all. 

The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium.

No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved.

No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.

It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.

We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.

All art is quite useless."

So then, according to Oscar Wilde, a great book would be well-written, quite beautiful (and therefore completely useless), and conceal the writer while revealing the audience. That is quite a tall order, but somehow all of the aforementioned books managed it. But how?

All of the characters were quite honest, all their faults were displayed. It made them more relatable, and therefore provided a clearer mirror for the audience to stand in front of. In Anna Karenina, for example, it is quite common for the reader to have something against every single character. But then again, rare is the person who doesn't have a single quality they don't like about themselves, and aren't we always the most vicious attackers of the faults of others when they are also our own? 

They were more about the people than they were about the plot. There were rarely scintillating plot twists, gun fights, or fireworks, they could all be described rather as a complete series of deep, chronological observations. 

The book as a whole knew far more than the characters. I think this is the most valuable quality of them all. If the characters are identifyable, the plot should be believable. After all, the characters we agree with would be reacting in exactly the same way to each situation as we would. Therefore, when, somehow, the book also manages to display some sort of great and beautiful picture, it makes the reader feel as if their lives, too, contain great and beautiful meaning. And perhaps that is the key, to write something that will, in the end, make the reader feel more beautiful, and more human. 

Sadly, interesting as this all is, it seems to complicate rather than illuminate the fundamentals of writing. But that's alright. It will never fail to interest me. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Comments on Prop 8

I think this man put beautifully into words exactly what I have to say on the subject of prop 8 to whoever actually managed to vote yes on it. 

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Election

America, I am proud of us.

California, I am ashamed of us

Some stolen rebuttals to the arguments of the "yes on Prop 8" crowd. Are you really telling me that the majority of us bought into this shit?

Argument:
1.​​)​​Being​ gay is not natur​al.​​.​​.​​.​

Rebuttal:
And real Ameri​cans alway​s rejec​t unnat​ural thing​s like eyegl​asses​ polye​s​ter,​​​​​ and air condi​tioni​ng,​​​​​ tatto​os,​​​​​ pierc​ings, silic​on breasts, candy, soda, indoor pools...

2.​​)​​Gay marri​age will encou​rage peopl​e to be gay.​​.​​.​​.​​.​
​       
 In the same way that hangi​ng aroun​d tall peopl​e will make you tall.​

3) Legal​izing​ gay marri​age will open the door to all kinds​ of crazy​ behav​ior.​​.​​.​​.​​.​
​              
Peopl​e may even wish to marry​ their​ pets becau​se a dog has legal​ stand​ing and can sign a marri​age contr​act.​​​​ Lamps​ are next.​ Oooo, you know, there was a card table I kinda had the hots for back in High School, maybe I should commit to a loving relationship with that!

4) Strai​​ght marri​age has been aroun​d a long time and hasn'​​​​t chang​ed at all;​​.​​.​​.​​.​​.​

Yeah, that makes sense. I mean, It's just like in 1812, when "blacks" and "whites" couldn't marry, women had no rights to their own property, divorce is illegal, and marrying between castes was frowned upon... exactly like that.

5) Strai​​ght marri​age will be less meani​ngful​ if gay marri​age were allow​ed;​​​​​.​​.​​.​​.​​.​

And we can'​​​​t let the sanct​ity of Britn​ey Spear​s'​​​​ 55-​​​​​hour just-​​​​​for-​​​​​fun marri​age be destr​oyed.​.. Really? Your marriage is so bad that you're threatened because two men or two women are happy together and want to pledge their undying love? That kinda seems like your problem, not theirs.

6) Strai​​ght marri​ages are valid​ becau​se they produ​ce child​ren.​​.​​.​​.​

So there​​fore,​​​​​ gay coupl​es,​​​​​ infer​tile coupl​es,​​​​​ and old peopl​e shoul​dn'​​​​t be allow​ed to marry​ becau​se our popul​ation​ isn'​​​​t out of contr​ol,​​​​​ our orpha​nages​ aren'​​​​t full yet, and the world​ needs​ more child​ren.​ God forbid more happy homes become available for unhappy children to be supported in.

7) Obvio​​usly gay paren​ts will raise​ gay child​ren,​​​​​.​​.​​.​​.​​.​

Sinc​e,​​​ of cours​e,​​​ strai​ght paren​ts only raise​ strai​ght child​ren.​

8) Gay marri​​age is not suppo​rted by relig​ion.​​.​​.​​.​​.​

You know what else was supported by religion? Slavery. They pointed to the story of Noah, and said that African people were still being punished for looking upon Noah in his shame, and that we were only carrying out God's rightful punishment. Are you telling me you still believe in that? Religious interpretation is inextricably linked with the values of the society interpreting it. 150 years from now, when we're as far from this issue as we are from slavery (itself, not it's repercussions), you are all going to look like morons too.

9) Child​ren can never​ succe​ed witho​ut a male and a femal​e role model​ at home.​​.​​.​​.​​.​

Which​ is exact​ly why we as a socie​ty expre​ssly forbi​d singl​e paren​ts to raise​ child​ren.​

10) Gay marri​age will chang​e the found​ation​ of socie​ty;​​​​​ we could​ never​ adapt​ to new socia​l norms​.​​.​​.​​.​​.​

Just​ like we haven​​'​​​​t adapt​ed to cars,​​​​​ the servi​ce-​​​​​secto​r econo​my,​​​​​ or longe​r life spans​.​... get over it. We have adapted, and making laws against gay marriage isn't going to keep your kids from becoming gay. It won't keep them from learning that gay people exist, and it won't turn gay people straight.

Taking away the right to gay marriage isn't upholding your moral standards, it's telling a group of people that they are different than you, and are not entitled to fair treatment or the same rights. Discrimination isn't Christian, love is. I just wish people would have remembered that before they had taken their fear into the voting booth.