Ha, actually, my only excuse is the sudden influx is great books on writing that have come my way. Having finally worked my way through "Becoming a Writer" by Dorothea Brande, it seemed as if a world of possibilities opened up for me. So many insurmountable obstacles suddenly had footholds appearing all over them. It was rather spectacular. Finally, I am able to take advantage of all of the technical books on writing that were previously overwhelming to me.
This new breakthrough has brought a rather unexpected dilemma to the forefront of my thoughts. Suddenly, I do not feel nearly as driven to go to grad school. Upon doing much research, both on schools and on books, I have discovered that most of the professors that schools consider their big "draw" have published books on writing. These books, upon closer inspection, are their famous writing classes, written down and published for all! Sure, I wouldn't be getting the personal emphasis with which they deliver their lectures, but neither would I be shackled with time constraints, or, for that matter, paying upwards of $50,000.
The whole situation is rather reminiscent of "Goodwill Hunting." Is school, in fact, only in existence because we as people lack to drive to learn on our own?
And learning on my own is something I have been spending a lot of time working on lately. These last few months since our move to Portland, I have been shifting my mentality from NOT learning at school (Lets face it, we're all there to get by with the highest grades possible with minimal effort. Most college graduates don't actually learn much, even inside their field because, honestly, it's too much trouble to test for EVERYTHING, so we just get by.) to ACTUALLY learning at home. It's been quite an experience.
So now I become conflicted. Graduate school would deliver the much- coveted piece of paper that would allow me to teach later in life, should my writing career not pan out, and also it would offer educated peer evaluations of my works in progress at regular intervals... but it's so expensive! And do I really want to just go in order to have options should I fail? That seems a rather negative outlook.
There I stand. Luckily, I have quite awhile to make my decisions-- and I'll probably just end up letting others make them for me. When next year rolls around, if I have something I think is good enough to submit to those terrifying admissions panels, I'll send it. And if I get in, I'll go. Almost all the schools offer full scholarships and stipends to their creative writing grad students, anyways. And why not? What school couldn't afford to when they only admit 6 students per year? Ah, the luxury of the establishment.
